Shock Discovery in Zoological Science.

Apparently you can't put a Hippopotamus in a crate for 29 hours and expect it to do so well. We know this because we have experts to tell us this. I just read this crazy article that begun with the words: "'Twenty-nine hours is too long for most animals to be transported in a crate' said an expert." While you may be quick to dismiss this as normal liberal media bias, you may be shocked to find out these other facts about zoo animals:

• Most require a substance to be regularly ingested, this substance is called "food".


• Zookeepers are required to close door to animal enclosures, or else they'll escape.


• Putting Zebras in the same enclosure as the Lions has a negative effect on the Zebra.


• Despite the claims made in movies such as "Barnyard", "Ice Age", and "Lion King", the animals can't actually talk.


• Spider monkeys don't make cobwebs.


• Lastly, despite the bad smell and the proliferation of un-hygienic bipedal creatures, "Winnipeg" is not an actual zoo.

As we advance in society, the science of biology and zoology also must advance. But I think we can learn from our friends in Saskatchewan. They seem to sincerely "get it". They seem to understand the true nature of animals (see below picture for evidence):

Easy Pickin's

Exhibit "A": satellite photo of the crime scene.

(click photo to expand)

A couple Sundays ago, I was busted for speeding. Yep, I got me a speeding ticket. It was about 7:00 am on a Sunday morning, I was driving my boy to hockey practice. I was going north on 52nd Street SE, then turned right to go east on 17th Avenue SE, intending to make my way to Chestermere. After two blocks, what I thought was some guy attempting to jaywalk was actually a police officer directing me to the side of the road.

"I'm stopping you because you were going 75 in a 50 Kilometer zone." The policeman said to me.
"Here's my license, hang on a sec, I'll get my the other stuff for you." I reached for the glove box, but before I opened it the officer interrupted.
"Just your license is fine."

About half a minute to a minute later I had my freshly earned speeding ticket in hand. $175 was the damage. That's Canadian dollars, too! "Here's your license back. I'm issuing you a speeding ticket today for exceeding the 50 Km/H speed limit, so here you are. Drive safe." Those were to cop's quickly spoken parting words. As he handed me my ticket, I noticed a sign over the policeman's right shoulder. The sign read "60 Km/H Maximum".

I'll first say that I'm going to "man up" and pay the fine. Technically, he got me. But, I live in a democracy that values free speech dammit! So here's what really browns me about this speeding ticket.

This was a "technical speeding" ticket.
There were no stores open. There were no cars on the road. And this stretch of road had all the appearances of being a freeway. The manner in which I was driving was safe, no question. Look at the above picture: it’s a divided highway.

No posted speed limit
Since getting this ticket, I've driven the boy to hockey practice a few times. After you turn off 52nd street to go east on 17th Ave, the signs go: 60, 80, then 100. Then you reach Chestermere. There is no 50 sign. This does not mean the officer was incorrect, he's technically right. If he nabs you just before the 60 sign, he's got you for exceeding a 50. I was clocked about 50-70 metres before the 60 sign.

In and Out
I was expecting to hear some "advice" from the officer: "This is a high collision area, that's why we're monitoring it". Or "a speeding awareness campaign is in effect." or SOMETHING. The cop processed my speeding ticket the way McDonalds processes a hamburger. Quick. Get 'em in. Get 'em out. Next!

I'm left with a sense that some police officers don't really care about nabbing unsafe drivers. I was issued a ticket because I was easy pickin's. It was easy to get me. I was the only car on the road, going at a menacing 75 in a 60, er, I mean 50. I could not have been easier to get. But is this type of police-work supposed to be easy?

A Challenge!

While I was in Boston a couple weeks back, I decided to seize the opportunity to pick up a few things for my boys. For my four year-old, I picked him up a few toys, which he really liked. But for my eight year-old, I decided "what the hell", and got him an Xbox 360. The Canadian dollar is on a tear, and there still is a bit of a price gap with some merchandise between US and Canadian dollars. So I scooped up the Xbox, and NHL 08.

When I showed the boy, naturally he jumped out of his skin, yelling, screaming, fist-pumping, he was pretty happy. We then went down to our little Home Theatre room and hooked it up to the HDTV. I was mildly surprised that it was full 1080p over HD Composite cables, but I was blown away once the kid started playing an actual game. Wow!

After we played a bit, I signed us up for Xbox Live, but this was not a quick-n-dirty set up. I wanted to use a healthy dose of paranoia, making our account as family friendly as possible. So after this was set up, we decided to take on the world. This adds a completely different element to playing console sports games, playing against different people. I know that I got the thing for the boys, but I can't help myself! The silly thing is a huge amount of fun! And the people are great, no dick-heads yet! They must not have the Internet in Winnipeg yet.

I recall the last time I gamed online I had my tail handed to me quite regularly at a game called "Command and Conquer". I can still hear those words "Your base is under attack" ringing in my ear. I'm ready for retribution.

So I hereby challenge you all to a game of either NHL 08, or Madden 08, on Xbox Live! My gamertag is BowValleyHutch. Bring it on!

Futureshop ad question...

Hey, how come the guy in this Futureshop commercial can build a mobile, speaking robot, but needs help buying a simple laptop computer?

Some Boston Thoughts That Linger

It's been exactly one week since I returned from Boston, so I thought it would be a good exercise to see just which memories about Boston remain after one week. Which things, big or small, come to mind when I look back? I was there on conference, so I didn't get a tonne of time to check out New England in minute detail, but I did get a chance to stroll around like the common-folk. So here are the first 5 thoughts that spring to mind.

Size

Boston (metropolitan) has a population of 4.5 Million. However, the actual city of Boston only has a population of 590,000. I guess I've been watching too many movies, I was expecting this huge city teeming with mega sky scrapers that would dwarf Calgary's. Though a sense of history and culture in Boston is palpable, it's size was surprisingly "normal".

MIT/Harvard

I had two definite goals: see MIT, see Harvard. Well, okay, a third: bring back gifts for my boys. MIT was like I imagined. It had a huge lawn, pock-marked with well-aged trees. Students were sitting, each leaning up against a tree, reading their textbooks surrounded by freshly fallen auburn-coloured leaves. Surrounding the main yard were massive white stone pillars, each with a name of a prominent scientist: Archimedes, Newton, er... I forget the others, but they were famous. Harvard was a different egg. Harvard Yard was sort of like I pictured it: old buildings full of character, massive trees, students playing a game of ultimate. But Harvard has these major road arteries going around and through it, which was not what I expected. It didn't seem like the usual university with a definable perimeter. But I can't understate the character of the historical buildings. I was snapping off pictures like a wild-man. Beautiful buildings! You could stare at them for hours.

Political Fervor

This is similar to the province of Alberta, but on the flip side. The Boston area is Democrat territory. Make no mistake about this. All the local bookstores I strolled into had prominent displays of books on politics, all Democrat related material. They love their politics, so long as its Democrat related. Funny thing, I found myself in quite a few convenience stores and gift shops. At the counter, they all had either a display of Obama or Clinton buttons, or a display box of Obama or Clinton playing cards. I saw nothing GOP related. Nothing. Bostonians are debating between Obama and Clinton, not GOP and DNC.

New York rivalry

I thought the Calgary / Edmonton, or Calgary / Vancouver rivalries were intense. The day after the Mets were eliminated from the post-season picture, I saw the covers of two local Boston papers. One pictured a boy, about 8 years-old, wearing a Mets hat. This boy had tears streaming down his cheeks, very upset. What did the headline read? "A Cryin' Shame: Mets eliminated from play-offs". Wow. Harsh, eh? The paper right beside it had a Mets fan in the stands standing up with arms outstretched facing the sky with a look of agony, as if his leg was caught in a bear trap. The headline? "From Champs to Chumps". Also, in the hotel bar I overheard this lady say to her friend that the Sox won so they just had to watch tomorrow's game to "make sure the Yanks lose". There is some serious dislike here, folks.

All in all, you will be hard pressed to find a more culture-rich, historic, unique town. I'd be thrilled if I had a chance to go back. But to be honest, I'm really curious to head to New York next, get their side of the story.