PC'ers At It Again

The Podium Built, Obama Set to "Alienate" and "Stigmatize"

The PC movement continued its attack on popular culture this week with the launching of a lawsuit against participants involved with President-Elect Obama's "Oath of Office", which contains the heinous phrase "... so help me God."


While most Atheists, Agnostics, Humanists, and Skeptics chalk it up as a figure of speech, one group in particular lead by California doctor Michael Newdow feels that the speech will "alienate" and "stigmatise" him. He also contends that he is being "forced to countenance endorsements of purely religious notions". He feels he would be endorsing religion in sitting down and watching the show.


As I read this, some thoughts came to mind:


- the "so help me God" part is a traditional add-on, left up to the discretion of the oath-taker. It is a moment of personal expression. It is not part of the oath itself. What sanctions should be placed against the President if he utters a phrase that could be construed as religious? How do you police this?


- what about the "God bless the United States of America" that is tacked on to the end of many Presidential Addresses. Are these words equally "stigmatizing"?


- what about this Newdow fellow's first name? "Michael" is a Hebrew name meaning "One who is like God". Does he find his own business card to be "alienating"? I mean, so long as we're splitting hairs here, right?


- I'll betcha this guy takes a dim view of Canada, a country which has "God" in its National Anthem.


I can appreciate that this guy has a cause, but really? How much money and time is he pouring into this? Who really cares? If he's done anything at all, he's probably set his cause back 30 years. You really want your crosshairs on an American institution like the Inauguration? The Americans love that stuff.

Anyhow, just my opinion. I prefer the Bill Maher approach to get people talking and thinking about things.

Report: City Hall to Continue Recognizing "Christmas"

Christmas Tree and Wreath on Display in

City Hall Atrium

To me, the Holiday Season means not only a heaping helping of turkey, but a wide array of catch phrases: “Happy Holidays”, “Season’s Greetings”, “Peace on Earth, Goodwill Toward Men”, and so on. There are also symbols such as Christmas lights on a house, a Christmas Tree, or a Nativity Scene.

However, around this time of year, there are also the Political Correctness groups who come out in full force, and they come out swinging. The cross hairs are usually honed in on anything considered “public“, such as a public building, or park.

We’ve heard the stories….In Olympia, Washington, the Atheist organization Freedom From Religion Foundation places a placard at the site of a popular Nativity Scene, the sign goads Nativity Scene audience with a message of “Religion is a myth and superstition”.

In Wisconsin, plans are underway to sue the Manitowoc County Courthouse to dismantle their nativity scene, which has been a town tradition since 1946.

In Orange County, Florida, there was no love for a Nativity Scene which was destroyed by some people who clearly are not fans of this sort of thing.

In Wales, a Nativity Scene was earmarked for some nastiness. Although the scene was left standing, virtually untouched, the porcelain baby Jesus was not so lucky. He was smashed into itty-bitty pieces. Apparently the vicar of the Church received warning, but did not back down (you know those stubborn Welsh, eh?).

In Calgary…. well…. nothing. City Hall insists on bucking the trend. On display in the main atrium is a garish, very obvious Nativity Scene. Elsewhere, there is a Menorah on display. And if this were not enough, the City continues to be provocative with a “Merry Christmas” window painting. Furthermore, I have personally heard Calgary’s Mayor, Dave Bronconnier, rebuff a reporter’s use of the term “Holiday Tree”. “No”, the Mayor sharply asserted, “it is not a Holiday Tree, it is a Christmas Tree”.

An Intact Nativity Scene at City Hall

No, it is not Vandalism. The City put that there.

Do not be fooled, Calgarians will rally if they feel a great wrong is being done. The recent budget debates are evidence of that. But political correctness protests, such as the Animal Rights groups organizing at the Calgary Stampede, get the same treatment of gum at the bottom of my shoe. No reciprocated anger. No returned taunts. It’s just business as usual. And blind devotion to the Calgary Stampeders.

Disney Streak To End

For the past couple of years, or family has been making its annual pilgrimage to DisneyWorld, we've had a two year streak going. We honestly thought we'd be back for a third straight year. However, this streak will end on Saturday, when we board a WestJet plane bound for Hawaii.

Reaction from our two boys? Surprisingly positive. Disney is the 800 pound gorilla of theme parks, you cannot go wrong when you choose to vacation at DisneyWorld. But the boys have known classmates who have flown to Hawaii, they've seen movies set in Hawaii, they've also been there before in 2004. So they are looking forward to it. I guess Hawaii is for kids too!

Now I know you're asking yourself, "what can I do to help?". Well, I do have an answer for that. You see, our 5 year old faces 10 hours of travel time, yet he has only 3 games for his Nintendo DS. Your kind and generous donation will go directly towards more DS games for this innocent child, who faces 10 hours of sitting in a plane and waiting at airport screening lines.

A paypal account has been created. Donations graciously accepted. Share your generosity towards a child. Show you care.

God Bless You.

Did Rogers Get a Bum Rap?

I can recall the events so clearly. Rogers makes a major announcement that they are poised to roll out the much anticipated iPhone 3G. Then the nation lets fly with the rumours on what the dataplans would be. They ranged from $30 for unlimited data, all the way to $120 for a single GB. The nation held its breath. Then the announcement was made.

Rogers initial offering was paltry, sad, pathetic, you get the idea. But the offering was deliberate. The Rogers boardroom sat back and waited for the hue and cry, the gnashing of teeth, and the deluge of petitions. The lemmings all lined up, each with their own "me too" pot-shot at Rogers.

Then Rogers, donning their white hats, came to the rescue. They tell Canada that they have heard the voices, and that they have reconsidered. Now its a 6 GB dataplan for $35. The public utters a collective "WTF?". They wonder why its not unlimited. After all, no one could use 6 GB of data, so why not make it unlimited? What's the big deal? Why?

Here's why.

Beginning in October, Rogers has said that they will allow for iPhone tethering, which would allow you to legally attach your iPhone with a USB umbilical cord to your laptop and surf away. Rogers will be the first iPhone telecom company to allow this. AT&T does not allow this. Accounts discovered to be tethering would reportedly be cancelled, and the customer blacklisted. The unlimited dataplan, a good idea at the time, is now an albatross. How the hell do they allow tethering with an unlimited dataplan?

So, clearly, Rogers had a plan all along. That nonsensical 6 GB dataplan now makes sense. Rogers now perfectly rides the line between supplying customers with the convenience of generous amounts of data through tethering, while not allowing the iPhone to be your sole source of home Internet. Its a smart move.

Now, don't get me wrong. I think the rates are still sky high, and the reception needs work. On the whole, I give Rogers a marginal passing grade. I give them a "C". This is based on 2 months of being a Rogers' customer.

But every dog has his day, credit should be given where due. This was a good move by Rogers.

Now, about my shoddy reception .....

City Workers To Shell Out Serious Dough

You won't read this story in the Herald.

City Hall definitely does this one right. Around this time every year, the City of Calgary starts a fundraising blitz with her own City Workers right in her cross-hairs. It's the same thing every year: a financial goal is announced, City Workers dole out, the goal is reached, press conference held with big cheque.

You would think that City Hall people would roll their eyes or collectively wince at the thought of yet another United Way campaign. But here's where City workers thumb their nose at the popular belief that Calgary is all about tight-fisted greed. Here's where City Hall puts on its thinking cap and organizes a whole bunch of fun little events, each with its own subtle little fee.

There's bake sales, raffles, pot-luck lunches, tickets which allow you to wear blue jeans to work, and an array of other crafty strategies to have you cheerfully part with your dough. Surprisingly, there's no pressure to donate a cent, since you're donating by buying a thing or a service, but people at City Hall will stubbornly give anyway.

To be honest, I have no idea what the financial goal is, where my money goes, or what the United Way's mission statement is. I merely like the cookies at the bake sale, the potluck lunches, and the blue-jean badge. I'm probably good for about $60 - $80, and I'm just one guy. There's probably 2,300 or so more just like me.

But as I say, you won't read about this in the Herald.

Dexter's Nuts!!

"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts. "

- John Steinbeck

Speaking of nuts, a very sad event happened over the weekend. Our faithful companion, our guardian of our domain, our little buddy, well, he sort of got himself neutered. Here he gives us unconditional love and acceptance, and this is how we repay him?

One thing I learned from this was that I always thought that the neutering process was basically a modified vasectomy for animals. I could not have been more wrong. It is a full on castration. An incision is made and out come the stones in their entirety. When I found this out, I really felt bad for little Dexter. He really enjoyed sleeping on his doggy bed on his back, legs spread, proudly displaying his package in all its glory.

Now there is only emptiness. They don't even offer a prosthetic. Just gone!

However, in spite of all this, Dexter seems to be doing fine. He's running, bounding, and doing normal puppy things again.

Still a shame to do that to the poor fella.

Wisdom from Winnipeg

The Winnipeg Free Press had an online poll which caught my eye. The three options to select from are three very clear approaches to the upcoming elections. The Canadian debate will feature a bland chat session about platform and policies, maybe the occassional jab. The American VP debate , with the VP position being largely inert and ceremonial, will mainly be a popularity contest, who can come up with the cleverest catch-phrase ("I knew Jack Kennedy. You, sir, are no Jack Kennedy"). Then there's the third option, "CSI".

I should mention that that this poll appeared in a non-political article, one about the "Do Not Call list".

Anyhow, there may be more polls out there with similar questions, but I thought it was pretty ingenious. Do you want to hear about issues that affect Canada? Do you want to see a cat-fight which will be a huge media event? Or do you not care, preferring to get your political info from other sources?

Incidentally, I clicked the "View Results" link. This is what I saw:

To be honest, not what I expected. I thought either the "American VP" or "CSI" options would win out. Is Winnipeg the new hub of Canadian political discourse? Is Winnipeg the political epi-centre of this country? Are they being modest with their intellectual might, choosing not to flex their cerebral muscle so not to embarrass their Canadian brethren?

Maybe so. But, Winnipeg, if you're so smart, how come you don't have an NHL team, eh? So THERE !!

I don't get it.

"Particularly in big cities, we've got people that have grown up in a different culture, and they don't have the same background in terms of the stable communities we had 20, 30 years ago in our cities … and don't have the same respect for authority or people's person or property. Talk to the police. Look at who's committing these crimes. They're not the kid that grew up next door."

- Lee Richardson, MP

Racism is always a topic that always catches my eye, particularly when it involves a publicly elected person in office. I come from a mixed race family, as many of you know. I live in a mixed race culture. My iPhone is loaded with tunes from artists of all colour. I worked in an immigration aid organization for a couple years. I'm down with the whole cultural mosaic thing. Racism sucks. It is not cool. So 1950's.

So, when I noticed this most recent racism charge against an MP, I needed to read the quote for myself. I had to check it out. You can see it above.

Now, as for myself, I don't get it. I guess its all in how you read the word "culture". Sure, culture can mean a particular type of people with similar skin colour from a certain geographic area: African-American culture, Native American culture, Asian culture, etc. But we also toss the word around to mean any sort of common perspective from a group of people: gun culture, culture of fear, digital culture, etc.

Was this MP, who has served publicly since 1988, secretly seething inside with racial animosity, until this quick-witted, much experienced pit-bull reporter from the... what media outlet was that again? ... oh yeah, "Fast Forward Magazine" grilled Richardson, verbally pummelling him causing him to go into a racial rant?

Somehow, I just don't think that "Fast Forward Magazine" got the big scoop here.

But what was Richardson getting at? Was he proposing an inner-city education program to raise a positive profile of the police? Was he offering to propose a law to toughen laws against crimes involving personal property? We need to emphasize our sense of community? What was the discussion about?

I guess we'll never know. The media would rather beat the shit out of him.

Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Work

A weird thing happened on the way to work this morning.

My morning commute ritual happens like so: I hop on my express bus, grab a seat (if available), then pop in my earphones and listen to my iPhone's daily offering of podcasts. In about a half hour or so, I'm downtown. Commute done. Mission accomplished.

However, this morning, before I get a chance to have at my podcasts, a guy stands up to face the throng of seated commuters. "Good morning ladies and gentlemen, could I have your attention please?"

Was this a bus-jacking? Was I going to go down in a hail of bullets? Maybe he's from Calgary Transit. But he's not wearing a uniform! Speak man! Why are you standing in front of the bus talking to us?

The introduces himself and tells us that he's the NDP candidate for our riding. Then I'm thinking that I'm about to be subject to 30 minutes of left-wing propaganda. The hail of bullets is looking mighty good right about now.

He goes on to say that he'd be passing around a clip board, he's collecting signatures so that he can be put on the ballet for the upcoming October 14th General Election. When the clipboard came to me, I thought "Well, your funeral." In the spirit of democracy, I signed it. An NDP guy getting elected in Calgary is about as likely as me being mistake for Tom Cruise (you see, he's quite a a bit shorter than me, so this could never happen).

What about the precedent here? Are commuters on the bus fair game for grandstanding? Should Calgary Transit crack down on speech-makers? My opinion right now, as I sit on my milk crate at work here, is to let 'em.

This may happen again, but I hope the speech maker is prepared for alot of blank stares from people with earphones on.

That's It! Summer Officially Over

"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees."
-David Letterman

Hockey try-outs begin the first Saturday in September, like clockwork. It's cool to get to the rink and reacquaint yourself with the other parents that you've lost contact with over the summer. What's not so cool the thing that puts a dagger through the heart of summer: the early morning weekend ice time.

What happens with these try-outs, or "evaluations" (the preferred term, not so scary), is your kid plays in an exhibition game. After the game, before you leave the rink, you pick up your ice time slip for his next session. On Saturday, I grabbed such a slip. The numbers on the slip confused me. I mean, I understood the 7:00 part, but immediately after that there were these two other letters: "AM". What the hell is this? What does this mean? Who is doing this to me?

So, to you all out there who don't have kids in Minor Hockey, I urge you to sleep in like you've never slept in before this weekend. Do this in honour of us. Wake up at 9:00 or 10:00, then pause for a moment of reflection.

Remember us.

The City's Promise of Protection

The City is concerned about the delivery of customer service it has been providing to her citizens and has started a sign campaign. As I see from the sign, no more will customers be subject to verbal abuse from overly stressed city clerks, who have apparently been launching verbal and physical attacks against unsuspecting customers.

As I read from this sign that I happened to notice at the City Cashier's office, the City is assuring us that this physical and verbal abuse will not be tolerated. Hopefully, this will put an end to those City Clerks abusive behaviors.

I fully endorse this sign campaign. Whenever I went down to buy a bus pass or pay a bill, I found myself the target of insults being hurled my way , or get hand contusions when the interac machine was pounded against my trembling fingers. I am a PERSON dammit!

I'm glad the City has taken a stand on this.

The Dentist: not like when I was a kid

Young Fella eases back, feeling no pain while on Nitrous gas,
and watches a movie on the ceiling...

I took my 5 year-old to the Dentist on Thursday this past week. In the moments leading up to the visit, I was trying my best to prep him for pain and suffering which was to come. I was trying to be Vince Lombardi and Tony Robbins all in one.

I was to learn that this was not necessary.

When I walked in to the kid's dentist office, the first thing we see is this huge aquarium with fish galore. Right beside this is a video game room with an assortment of toys. The adults could lounge on these leather sofas while reading a magazine.

When it comes to be your kid's turn, he then goes to a "prep area". They basically sit on bean bag chairs and watch Disney movies. They administer this goop which is supposed to make your kid dopey. After 15 minutes they venture over to The Chair. While in The Chair, the fun continues. The tech then equips your kid with Nitrous gas to ease his misgivings and slaps on headphones and watches more TV, which is affixed to the ceiling. He's obviously too busy with all the fun to realize that he's at THE DENTIST!! While this is going on, I can't help but think about my own experiences at the dentist a generation ago.

When I was a wee lad, the difference between a kids dentist and a regular dentist was a few comic books strewn on the magazine table. Maybe a couple cartoon teeth with toothbrush posters on the wall. There was no TV, no radio, no games, and definitely no magic goop to alleviate the intense fear which would grip you as you were dragged in.

Where I came from, the dentist would give us a pep talk, then jabbed our gumlines with a huge spear, all the while we're wondering if this is Hell on Earth (later on in life, I was to visit Winnipeg and confirm that the dentist was in fact NOT the worst Hell on Earth).

So what the hell!! This generation is WEAK! They are SOFT! A little bit of pain now and then is good! It gives you character. If you can't count on the dentist for pain anymore, who can you count on??

I think I'll send him to College in Edmonton when he's older. That'll learn him some pain.

Ah, who am I kidding. This is the whole point of "progress", ain't it? Aren't your kids' lives supposed to be better than your own? I guess being a parent, I'm somehow programmed to say "I remember when I was a kid ...... ... ".

Resistance was Futile

"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
- Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891


After a month of carefully considering the lure of the new 3G iPhone, I eventually decided to make a trip to visit one of Ted Rogers' stores. When I got there, I had the guy walk me through the contract, the fees, and all the one-time set up charges. I winced. But I figured that I was going to end up with one.

So, I took the plunge and told the Rogers' guy to set me up. Just like that, I was an iPhone owner.

I took the lowest package available, which is $35 for voice (my5 + 250 minutes), $30 for data (virtually unlimited). My monthly works out to around $75 / month after system access fees and taxes. In terms of the model, I grabbed the 16 GB black. So there was some setup pain involved.

But after getting a chance to put it through its paces, I saw that it was a damn fine piece of technology. I couldn't possibly list all the cool things that it can do, but the initial things that blew me away were the GPS features, and the fast 3G web speeds. This is in addition to the App Store, where there are a tonne of cool apps. And whenever I'm in Vulcan, or Victoria, which I travel to frequently because of family, I have constant access to the Net.

Rogers is not giving the things away, and their voice/dataplans are not cheap. But, then again, they're not completely out of reach for techno-philes either.

I now understand what all the iPhone fuss was about over the past year and a half. I get it.

"I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship"
- Humphrey Bogart

Temptation

Once in awhile, a technology device is unleashed on the public where it is received with a collective "Holy *&^% !!". I can think of the iPod Touch, the HDTV LCD, and the Aluminum iMac. Of course, with these three things, temptation was too great and I ended up buying one of each, leaving me to stammer out a lame justification to the wife:

HDTV: "Well dear, HDTV has 16 times the definition of standard TV. So when the kids watch educational programs, they will learn 16 times as much!"

iPod Touch: "Um, well sweetie, this new iPod can receive email when in a Wi-Fi hotspot. So its as if I'm closer to you when I'm away."

iMac: "I bought an iMac. You don't like it. TOUGH! Now get me a beer!"

(Note: one of the three above is based purely on fantasy, I'll leave it for the reader's dissemination)

The latest device is the iPhone. Once it was launched, it was met a Canadian outcry not seen since the "Hockey Night In Canada" theme was dropped by the CBC. There are petitions, protest sites, media stories, and reports of public uncontrollable weeping.

So, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I visited the Rogers' website and proceeded to order an iPhone, going as far as I could without actually clicking the "Purchase" button.
I began with selecting the 16GB iPhone then proceeded on to the voice and data plans, the source of the public's wailing and gnashing of teeth. I scanned the list of voice plans and took the cheapest: $35. The data plan was a no-brainer at $30 for 6GB (which is basically unlimited). This brought my monthly bill to $65. Now I click "next". I now see a "Value Pack", which I skip through, as I want the cheapest possible plan.

After the system access and 911 fees, I end up with a before tax rate of $72.45 per month.

Now I realize that the iPhone is the current reigning "it" device, the ultimate piece of consumer electronics technology. The features and daily uses of the thing are mind boggling. It is the coolest of the cool. But I have to collect my thoughts, wipe the drool from my chin, and decide is it worth it?

It is not cheap. Then again, it is not completely out of reach.

Decisions, decisions.....

iMac Gets B*tch-Slapped

The HP TouchSmart

About 10 months ago, I purchased an Apple iMac. When I unpacked it, plugged it in, and began to use it, I was so overjoyed that I soiled myself. I thought there could not possibly be anything cooler (the iMac, not soiling oneself). I thought that the iMac had carved out a niche so rock-solid that other PC makers wouldn't even bother to challenge the uber-cool iMac. I was wrong.

While watching TV one night without pants, I noticed a commercial for an "HP Touchsmart series PC". I thought it was a great idea. I went to the HP site, checked out this new machine that piqued my interest. After sniffing around to find out its specs, appearance, and price, I was very impressed. Well done, HP. Then my attention turned to my beloved iMac, which now did not look so "bleeding edge".

I wondered why it was that Apple had the iPod Touch which you had to navigate by touch, and the iPhone which you had to touch-navigate, yet Apple hadn't put two and two together and bless the iMac with touch interface?

My theory is that the iMac product team has made the unpardonable technology sin of "tech-snobbery". And now, they got caught with their pants down by the number one PC maker in the world. What's worse for iMac is that the Touchsmart is a pretty powerful machine, especially when you consider their IQ506t model. WOW!

So now I’m left with that unnerving sensation of tech-envy. But I just purchased the iMac mere months ago, how the hell do I justify a new PC to the wife?

Smarten up, Apple. You can do better than this!

Dog Whisperer: The Shocking Truth

On my morning Starbucks walk, which I periodically take with my arch-nemesis Yogi, a developer with an evil heart as black as pitch, I was trying to explain the Dog Whisperer TV show. I've been watching it a lot lately, wanting to be equipped to strike fear in my 5 month old Boston Terrier / Beagle cross. The Dog Whisperer, aka Cesar Millan, tames the fiercest of dogs while educating their owners. Its quite entertaining.

While we were discussing the show, a moment of Starbucks-induced inspiration overcame me. The whole show is actually a grand metaphor. Cesar is really trying to teach the men out there how to properly train their WIVES. His use of dogs is pure allegory. Now, to those of you who have seen the show, sit back and think a second. Do you see it now?

If not, I'm here to help.

Below are a couple articles from Cesar Millan. To help uncover the truth, I have performed a "search and replace". I have replaced "dog" with "wife" (sounds harsh when I put it that way, but let's go with it anyway, okay?). I've also replaced "his" with "her". Read below for the shocking truth ...

Article: Human Aggressive Buddy

When it comes to using corrections to rehabilitate a wife or to initiate certain proper behavior, I can’t stress enough how important precise timing is to the process.

First of all, corrections must come within a fraction of a second of the unwanted behavior. Wives are excellent "associative learners," meaning they quickly put together cause and effect when taking in new information, but they also live in the moment. If a wife pulls on the leash when you leave the house, you can’t wait to get to the street corner to correct her.

The other part of timing is to make sure your corrections are not coming too often and too quickly. If you’re doing too many corrections at once, you’re not giving the wife’s brain enough time to absorb the communication and come up with the answer. When she’s not allowed to complete the process, she can become numb to the correction and get frustrated or irritated.

Most importantly, you need to be balanced and calm-assertive at all times during the correction process. The wife needs to know that you are there to create trust and respect.

Article: Rescue Rufus 911

People often confuse insecure wives with aggressive wives. An insecure wife’s actions can be similar to an aggressive wife — growling, lunging, showing teeth — but while insecurity is a behavioral issue, aggression is the result of an issue.

Wives aren’t born aggressive; they become aggressive when insecurity, fear, anxiety, tension, or hyperactivity get out of control. With all wives that I’ve worked with, aggression is the outcome, the explosion, the manifestation of something the wife doesn’t want anymore. I’ve found that almost every wife that trained to be calm-submissive has the potential to become aggressive. That’s why I try and educate people to prevent aggression rather than have them call me in when the wife is already a “red-zone” case.

Article: Bad Hair Days

When taking your wife to the groomers, take a moment and try to see the experience through her eyes. Wives don’t know they’re going there to look good. They see beauty from the inside, not the outside. When a wife has a bad experience at the groomers, it is because she went in there fearful, anxious, and against her will.

When those emotions are present for a wife, she will associate everything that happens at the groomers as negative. We want to change that experience for the wife, so that going to the groomers becomes like going to a day spa for a human, where the wife associates the experience with relaxation, massage, and affection. If we can change the context in which a wife goes to the groomers, we can actually make it a joyful experience; an experience that a wife loves.

Changing that context begins with making sure a wife is relaxed before going to the groomers. Take your wife for a long walk before you go, and a shorter walk around the block once you get to the groomers. This will tired him out and make him more relaxed.

Of course, you need to find groomers who understand wife psychology and provide a safe environment and patient environment.Pay attention to the groomer’s techniques. If they’re trying to rush a wife through an experience she isn’t ready for, that can create tension and anxiety. It’s best to wait until the wife is in a calm-submissive state, then reward with a cookie, affection and a massage. That’s the ideal time to start grooming.

So, there you have it. The truth behind the Dog Whisperer. I know it is shocking, but I encourage you to follow Cesar's teachings as they were TRULY intended.

Is It Really Exercise?

Every workday at noon, I toddle on over to the gym to get away from my desk and work off some stress. As you may know, the formula is m + 2k + M = S, where m = married, k = kids, M = mortgage, and S = stress.

Anyway, on the way to the gym, I usually walk past various types of folks: the "domestically challenged", people wearing neck-ties, students, protesters, generally a mixed bag. But there's one type of person that bewilders me: the Power Walker. You know the type, right? They're garbed in exercise clothing, usually with sweat-band, runners, a runner's watch of some kind. They're walking briskly doing a stupid "choo-choo train" motion.

Since when did "walking" become an exercise? It seems to me that walking is a very basic human activity, it ranks up there with breathing, eating, "eliminating", and speaking. The fact that you put the word POWER in front of it, does not make it exercise. What's next? Power Breathing?

Now, I do need to make a small disclosure. I do not have a medical degree, nor have I gone to school the mandatory 6 weeks to become a physiotherapist. However, it just seems wrong that these poor people have deluded themselves into thinking that walking with their arms flailing around like an epileptic drowning victim, for 10 minutes over your noon hour will help them attain some resemblance of fitness.

I may be way off base here, but it seems to me that physical fitness should involve intense exercise: heartbeat way up there, rapid huffing and puffing, sweating up a storm. Basically, what bothers me is that various health sites, shows, and articles in the paper all trumpet this "power walking" as a solid, proven exercise.

As you know, I'm considering running for the Mayor's chair in the future. Once elected, I plan on passing a bylaw banning the practice of power walking. Any walking, where the arms have exaggerated movement, and where the walker is engaging in a pulse-checking motion, said person is to do 10 push-ups in the presence of a peace officer.

Do I have anyone's vote?

Identity Theft Paranoia

"Excellent! I now have this customer's postal code.

Now her bank account is MINE!

HA HA HA HA!"

So, I'm buying something at Winners (I'm a City worker earning slightly above minimum wage), and there's this woman paying for something just ahead of me. The clerk is friendly and greets the customer, then asks "Can I get your postal code?". The customer, focused on the contents of her purse, tersely says back, "Absolutely not, I don't give out personal information."

I thought to myself, "What the hell was Winners planning to do with her Postal Code? What evil plot were they hatching?" There was more confusion as the clerk rang through her items and said "$66.72 is your total". The customer, who had valiantly resisted Winners' probing questions into her private life, reaches into her wallet and gives the clerk a credit card. I thought to myself, "I'm glad this lady keeps the important info to herself, what harm could there possibly be in doling out credit card info, right?"

I've also purchased something at Best Buy, who take your phone number, so in case you lose your receipt you're covered. If there's a recall they'll notify you. But you still hear the blowhards out there proudly declare, "My number's unlisted", as if to suggest his social standing is one level away from knighthood.

However, my friends, this blog isn't just about whining about people, its about helping people. Here's what you do:

• Make up a phone number if you're really uncomfortable and consistently use it.
• Use a fake name if you're uneasy about giving your real one. It can even be a dorky name such as "Eric".
• Use your fake name with your real address. This will test to see if companies may have sold your info to mass-marketing firms.
• Check your credit card and bank account info online at least every other day.
• Buy a shredder and shred anything with your name on it.

Finally, lighten up! Most clerks aren't looking to pick a fight, some are actually nice people. And you're not seen as being tough when you whine about your unlisted number. And realize that some companies are actually trying to help you.

I guess it all comes down to common sense and gut feel. The clerk at Winners did not ask me for my Postal Code when it was my turn to pay. So, it was either a random survey or the clerk didn't want another uncomfortable episode.

51

The number 51.

51 has been worn on the uniforms of great athletes such as Randy Johnson, Ichiro Suzuki, and Dick Butkus.

In '51, Robin Williams, Bob Geldof, and the UNIVAC I computer were born. It was also the year Ferdinand Porsche, Bill Barilko, and Shoeless Joe Jackson died.

However, for me, the number 51 will have a special memory. For it is that very number which was on the odometer of the new vehicle I took ownership of on Friday last. I'm used to seeing 5 and 6 digits in use on my previous vehicle's odometers, 2 digits is almost confusing. When I turned the ignition on my spotless 2008 Honda Odyssey, the first place I glanced was the odometer. I knew I had to soak it in, commit it to memory, experience the moment.

But new cars do not stay new forever. I'm sad to report that last night, while driving along Anderson Deerfoot interchange, the odometer displayed a frightening sight …. "0000099". An instantaneous feeling of terror came over me. It occurred to me that those moments of a two-digit odometer reading were soon to be over. I stared at the odometer as I drove, weaving in and out of my lane, causing a barrage of horns and middle fingers to be directed at me. Finally, it clicked over. I let out a deep sigh. At least I get more time to enjoy a 3-digit odometer.

I also realize there will be more heartbreak: the first paint chip, the first windshield crack, the first "need to clean". But I'm bound and determined to enjoy the moment.

So long as I keep the vehicle away from the Riverbend area, I should be okay.

By the way, the word "Odyssey" comes from the ancient Greek word "Odysseus" meaning "chick magnet".

New Addition to the Family

Our New Baby: 2008 Honda Odyssey

The purchase of our new toy was the result of countless hours of online research, many visits to various car lots, bitter and vigorous inter-spouse debate, and one subscription to Consumer Reports. At the finish line, it was between the Toyota Sienna and the Honda Odyssey, with the Honda getting the nod.

Although we did the deal on Saturday, we actually will not receive it until Friday. What this means is a week of anticipation, we just can't wait to get the damn thing! We managed to get a couple bonuses squeezed into the deal, one bonus was a DVD player, so that oughta shut up those kids!

Two things I'm going to take a picture of: (1) the odometer reading, which will read "7", and (2) the engine, with not a spec of dirt on it.

I should mention, that since purchasing the minivan, there already has been some noticeable testicular atrophy. When they completely whither away, I suppose I could always compensate with purchasing a motorcycle like the other testicular-challenged folks.

So, until Friday arrives, all I have is the brochure.

The Least Manliest Blog I've Ever Written

I think it was last hockey season that planted the seed in our brains. We would stuff our boy's hockey gear in the trunk, but we've been starting to also take his buddies to practices and games. One hockey bag in our 4-door Malibu, no problem. Two bags, problem.

So, when this would happen, a sense of terror overcame me. What were we going to do next year when our other boy begins hockey? Two bags would be a regular occurrence, maybe even three! After pondering this, I hung my head and came to the sad conclusion that we need a minivan ("sigh").

After a brief period of mourning, we began our research. We would start with Internet research. Our list produced the first round candidates. We decided to purchase new. This would be a cash purchase, so the automakers' different financing options will not enter into our evaluation criteria.

• The Dodge Grand Caravan
• The Pontiac Montana
• The Chevrolet Upplander
• The Honda Odyssey
• The Toyota Sienna

First to go was the Upplander. Poor crash test results, and some poor reviews sealed its fate. Plus, this was the minivan that I drove around Montreal when I was briefly working over there. Pretty small.

Our first sit-in experience was the Grand Caravan, which we had high hopes for. But it just seemed barren inside, almost flimsy. Plus, the 2008 is a complete re-working of this model, so you're rolling the dice on depreciation rate and reliability with a brand new design. Cross off the Grand Caravan.

The Montana we thought was the nicest looking of the bunch, and it did make our "test drive cut". But after paying $26 for a Consumer Reports subscription, and diving deeper into other car research, it was found that its reliability was poor, very poor. No like-ee. The Montana was dropped.

So, this is where we are at this very point in time. Deciding between the Odyssey and the Sienna. Both reviewed extremely well with ALL reputable auto review organizations. Consumer Reports gives the Odyssey a very high 90, the Sienna a 91. Like comparing two X-Men, each has its super-powers:

Sienna: Has more of a "car feel". You can get any option in any model. Its available in AWD (All Wheel Drive). She has more Headroom, and a slightly better Consumer Reports reliability score.

Odyssey: It has a massive amount of cargo room. She's a little purdier than the Sienna, we thought. The seats are very solid, more substantial. The reviews also indicated that this was the more responsive of the current class of minivans.

So, this is where we are. We have not test driven either yet, just sat in them.

I know you are absolutely riveted by this tale, so we will unveil our select soon. Donations to our minivan fund are graciously accepted through PayPal.

Some Facebook Ramblings

When I was first introduced to the wonderful world of Facebook, it was an eye-opening experience. I thought it was a great way to keep in touch with friends, one could check up on them, see what they're up to. You could have a peek at your friend's "friends list", see if there might be any surprising mutual friends. You could write a comment on their "wall" for all to see, or send a more private message. It seemed to have all the components of being that one website you could spend 95% of your online time at.

But some time has passed, and now I'm not so sure. What was once a brand-new pair of brilliant white Nike cross-trainers has now become a worn-looking, dingy, dull, old pair of runners.

For one thing, Facebooking is now leaking over into the professional world. For me, I would consider a "friend" a person who I would feel comfortable discussing my private life with, or someone inflatable. I think other people are a little more liberal, that is, they would add co-workers, first time acquaintances, and sometimes people they've never even met. The problem arises when the Facebookers professional peers start to read their idiot friend's wall comment of "Dude, it took me forever to clean up your vomit from the party", or even worse "You still work for the place who has that boss who you say is as smart as a Tuna?"

Facebook is also hugely popular. I think we all know what this means, when a piece of technology gets a huge following. Yep. Hackers. And we're hearing more and more about these vermin, exacting their will on our computers.

There's also a false sense of security, like assuming what you do in a Facebook session is cocooned from the rest of the online world. Take for instance when you install a Facebook "application", do you think this is really done anonymously? Are you sure you aren't handing over your private info?

For me, I'll keep checking in once in a while on my Facebook page. But I'm also going to create a "Linked In" account, which is like the version of Facebook for professionals.

There's nothing wrong with Facebook. I'm still a Facebooker. It's just not cutting edge anymore.

Forgive Me For Not Worshipping the Red Wings

I'll give the Wings props.  They are wizards when it comes to finding talent in the late rounds of the draft, finding diamonds in the rough among other NHL teams' castoffs, and generally just winning hockey games.

But there is a side of the Wings that really brings me to a slow boil.  Please, let me share. It will be therapeutic for me:

- They don't sell out early round play-off games. This one really fries my bacon. Most teams would give anything would give anything for a taste of the post season, Red Wing fans simply pass on the early rounds. "Call me for the finals" they would say. 

- In spite of poor attendance, they insist on calling themselves "Hockeytown".  In the US, any city in Minnesota is more of a Hockeytown than Detroit.  Wings Fans might say, "Oh yeah?  Well Detroit just so happened to have produced none other than Mike Grier, Kevin Hatcher, and Tony Curtale! Take THAT Toronto!"

- Before game one, the Red Wings announcer calls to centre ice for a ceremonial face-off captains Niklas Lidstrom and "Steven" Crosby.  Nice one.  Those Hockeytowners really know their hockey, eh?

- Ever see the TV coverage from Joe Louis Arena? If the people in front of the camera decide to stand up,  hockey fans watching on TV can't see.  Nice rink you got there "Hockeytown".  Good thing the rink is usually half empty.

There.  Rant over.  I feel a bit better.  But keep your well-wishes coming.

This Holiday's True Meaning

HAPPY VICTORIA DAY EVERYBODY

On this special holiday, let's not forget the true meaning of this day.  Victoria Day was created by the Federal Government in 1922, whereby an act of parliament established a holiday in recognition of the people of Victoria, British Columbia.

You see, during the time of the 1920's, our country was in cultural ruins: literature was being ignored, the arts were unappreciated, our national self-esteem was at an all-time low. However, this was until the nation turned its focus to the West, to Victoria.  When the country needed a beacon, she was there.  When Canada needed a cultural shot-in-the-arm, Victoria gladly gave until it hurt. Victoria became, and still remains, the cultural epicenter of the Western World.

Victorians still gladly provide the nation with a shining example of what it means to be cultured, sophisticated, yet modest. While we Victoria-raised people prefer the intellectual discourse of our own, we relish the opportunity to share our gifts with others.

So, in this upcoming week, extend a hand of thanks to those people from Victoria.  Thank them for being a fine example, perhaps offer them a cup of tea (Darjeeling or Pekoe blends suffice) and engage them in conversation.  You will not regret experiencing the sheer wit,the intellect, the pure cerebral joy that you would experience.

If sophistication and worldliness are diseases, we are regrettably incurable.  Its a cross that we must bear.

US Election Coverage, Rated R for Depiction of Violence

WWE = World Wrestling and Elections

With the recent Hollywood writer's strike bumping my favourite TV shows to September, its challenging to find some entertaining TV. That is, until I started following the US Democratic Nominee race. I especially dig the lingo. Some of my favourite language includes:

"Senator Clinton launched an attack of her own directed at Senator Obama"
"(The DNC debate) started with a cordial tone, soon turned into a knife fight"
"Obama focuses on McCain, launching salvo on his foreign policy"

I love it! This is just like the WWE!

Another thing we're enjoying is the socio-economic and racial profiling. Every election race comes with polls, its the law. But these polls are a little different. Consider this, from the Detroit Free Press

"Clinton bettered Obama by 50 percentage points among white voters without a college degree; among white voters with household incomes lower than $30,000, Clinton won by more than 60 percentage points. Obama's Ohio and Pennsylvania losses registered similar gaps among those demographics."

The above comes from print. However, CNN does the same type of profiling with motion graphics and sound effects. But it must be getting increasingly challenging for the pollsters (along with other groups like the KKK and other supremacist groups) to identify pure race and socio-economic class, with all this "mixing" going on.

But its all good entertainment so far. Keep it coming! I'm curious to see who wins. Will it be the African-American male, 50 - 60 years old, with a college degree, earning over $30,000? Or will it be the Caucasian-American female, protestant, 55-65 years old, with a college degree, earning over $30,000?

Lacrosse: a shameless sales pitch.

Parents, I'm going to try to sell you something. Let me set the stage first...

This spring, I decided to get back into lacrosse as a coach. I played midget lacrosse in Calgary, junior lacrosse in Victoria, and encouraged my 9 year-old to give it a try. I bought him a stick, showed him the fundamentals, introduced him to Roughnecks lacrosse, and he was hooked. So this season he's playing, and I'm coaching. He loves it.

So, I'm here to sell you the game of lacrosse as a spring sport for your kid. I'll give you the skill lacrosse requires, and the crossover benefits that skill has for other sports or endeavors.

Skill: Passing, catching and shooting the ball with a lacrosse stick.
Crossover: Hockey, Baseball, Tennis.
The lacrosse head, or basket, is not exceptionally huge, which forces the kid to develop dexterity to ensure they control the ball with skilled manipulation of a stick..

Skill: Hitting
Crossover: Hockey, Football
Lacrosse teaches you to hit hard and clean when appropriate. Defend FIRST, if the hit is there TAKE IT. If you hit too soon, your opponent can blow past you. If you miss your hit, he advances towards your net. The same type of concept applies to both hockey and football.

Skill: Taking a hit for the good of the team
Crossover: Hockey Football.
My son learned this the hard way. Sometimes to get the pass off, you have to steer yourself towards the boards to create open space in the middle. This creates two sure-things: (1) you'll have a good target to pass to, and (2) you're going to get creamed. Success in #1 means #2 just doesn't matter.

Skill: Running
Crossover: Soccer, Hockey
Lacrosse bills itself as the "fastest game on two feet". This means alot of running. Repeat. Alot of running. Does much more need to be said? Is running ever bad?

Skill: Flow of the game
Crossover: Basketball, Hockey
Lacrosse allows for pick plays, end-to-end rushes, fast-break offences. Basically, it encourages creativity on the fly. For games that rely on on-the-fly playmaking lacrosse is an excellent complement.

So, if you're looking for an alternative to the usual soccer or baseball for your kid for next spring, give lacrosse a try. Newbie parents are encouraged. If you child excels, then maybe a US collegs scholarship is in your future. We currently have 35 kids under scholarship from our district.

Anyhow, my sales pitch is now over.

But, think about it, eh?

Our New Guard Dog

Dexter scans the room, poised for a mighty attack

should the need arise.

This ain't so bad after all. Night #4 and he's already abandoned the loud whimpering. He just whines a couple times, realizes he's getting nowhere, gives up, then goes back into his kennel to chew on a toy or nap. We're actually getting sleep.

So far so good.

Introducing Dexter

Over two months of research, soul-searching and family discussion came to a head over the weekend when we finally adopted a puppy. We'd come close on a couple occasions, but for one reason or another, it fell through. We learned that you had to act quickly, it’s a hot puppy market out there.

This time we contacted the breeder right after the posting went up on Kijiji. I was surprised when she phoned us back that evening asking us to select based on pictures, which we did. A number of times before this, breeders had just ignored our calls, or the pups were all claimed. We did get a scare when I called to finalize a time for pickup and get directions to her place in Drumheller. I couldn't get through to her phone number after numerous messages. Thankfully she called back, but she did say that she turned off her phone because it was ringing off the hook with inquiries into her puppies. But we did set a time, and I got my directions.

When we got there, we were invited into her house for an introduction to our selection "Artie", the litter for this breed were given "A" names, other breeds got "B" names, etc. On the drive down, we were talking about the horror stories we had seen on our web research about puppy mills, people looking to make a quick buck without caring at all about the dogs. However, when we got there, we got a good vibe. The lady loved dogs, she just did breeding on the side (still talking dogs, now).

She gave us the run-down on recommended care for "Artie". I tried valiantly to concentrate, but was distracted by my two boys and their immediate bond with the pup they had chosen. When she said to feed him one cup of puppy kibble with one tablespoon of moist puppy meal three times a day, I responded back, "So we feed him the dry kibble three times a week?" She seemed concerned. "Actually, three times a DAY" she repeated. She's probably wondering right now if poor Artie is still alive.

So we did the deal. Money changed hands. $600 was the fee. As a side note, Petland's puppy selections ranged from a low of $1200 to $1600. We took the pup and placed him in a quilted basket and made off with him back to Calgary. We did leave something behind in Drumheller, his name. It was unanimous, "Artie" was out, "Dexter" was in.

Dexter had a great time exploring his new home, he even initiated it with a good ol' plopper right on the kitchen floor. His first night was not so good. He missed his mom, and his littermates, so he whined and cried all night long. The adults only got about a couple hours sleep that night. The next night, which was last night, was considerably better, but he just toned it down to a whimper. There was no panic cries like the night before. So it shouldn't be too much longer till he can shut his yapper through the night.

Any regrets? Nope. We knew there would be some up-front pain, and that he'd take some patience, so we were prepared. He's just very lucky he has that ultra-cute puppy face. Any misdeed he does, he just flashes the ol' puppy-dog eyes at you, its no contest.

So there you have it. We now have "The Family Dog". We are officially the typical North American family.

Reasons the Flames Could Win Round 1

The Flames begin their playoff run on Wednesday. While everybody has already dismissed the team's chances of any success whatsoever, I'm saying "Hold the phone!". There are some arguments to be made FOR the Flames making some noise. Here's a few points to consider:

Owen Nolan playing against old team.
Nolan has been ramping up his game, under the radar, during the last half of the season. He has a vendetta streak in him (remember the vigilante justice he laid on Grant Marshall?) which makes him a valuable asset in the playoffs. What's more, Nolan represents a distinct type of player that Keenan can use in his battle of wits against Ron Wilson, a relative neophyte.

Familiar territory for Keenan.
Keenan is the 5th most winningest playoff coach in the NHL. For whatever his short-comings, you can't dismiss his playoff pedigree. He has been around the block a few times. This is the intangible that gives an edge to the Flames: when to kick a player's behind, when to pat another's back, when to rest, when to run a bag-skate. During the game, there's also a chess match going on. Keenan's seen it all.

Better second line.
No question that the Sharks have a lock on the first line matchup. The Michalek-Thornton-Cheechoo line seems to dwarf the Tanguay-Langkow-Iginla offering in obvious ways. The same can't be said for the second line. I like the idea of a Huselius-Lombardi-Nolan combo over the Sharks' Marleau-Pavelski-Setoguchi trio. Nolan on that second line adds an element of complexity for Ron Wilson, should he choose to deploy a checking line against the Flames second line. But what about Setoguchi and his torrid scoring streaks, you ask? Well, I would respond, the playoffs are a different animal. The playoffs are a gut-check time that usually favours the guy with experience.

Iginla and Kipper have a "playoff gear"
See Exhibit A: the playoff run of 2004. The defense rests.

Flames have beaten the Sharks 3 of 4 times this season.
I realize that I poo-poo'ed regular season stats when talking about Setoguchi, however, I can't help but think that having a winning record against the team helps the team realize that their opponent has been beaten before by them, so why not again? Been there, done that. And, also, the games that the Flames won were all one-goal games. This should be evidence to the players that they can grind one out for 60 minutes. But, I don't know. I don't have a huge amount of stock on this point, its just one I thought I'd bring up, lump it in with the rest.

There is little question that Calgary is behind the ol' eight-ball this year, but by no means is this David versus Goliath.

I Am Now One of Them

I used to make fun of these people. These geeks that would sit at home and play in these virtual worlds. These nerds that would rather get their exercise online by swinging a battle axe, or running to flee some big dragon. These dweebs who you would overhear talking about what level their characters are in Warcraft, telling of their previous night's adventure. I used to think, "Hey Nerd, have you ever kissed a girl?"

I am now one of those nerds.

The idea to at least try World of Warcraft was first implanted into my sleep deprived brain upon seeing those commercials. You know, the ones with Mr T, and "Mini Me" from Austin Powers telling the viewing audience a little bit about their characters. I guess one day I decided, "Ah, to heck with it" and give it a try. It's cool to try new things, right? So long as its legal, and does no harm to people, what's the big deal?

So, I downloaded the trial edition of World of Warcraft, created an account which was free for 10 days, and let loose. I first was presented with this vast array of realms, races, classes, traits, and all sorts of other strange things. I decided to just pick one, so I created a Night Elf and joined the default server/realm. After wandering around doing these tasks, or "quests", I was fast becoming aware that I was the Forrest Gump of Warcraft. I needed a kick start.

After casually mentioning my new leisure endeavour at work, it turned out that a co-worker was a player (of Warcraft, not "player" as in the Hip-Hop sense). I created a new character, a Tauren Hunter, and joined this guy's preferred realm. I’m glad I did, because he showed me the ropes quite a bit. Once you get that initial kick-start, it turns out to be fun. I only have 20 - 30 minutes every 2nd or 3rd night to play, but fortunately the game allows for a nice leisurely pace. My co-worker, on the other hand, says that on days off he enjoys putting on a chain-mail loin-cloth, donning medieval weaponry, and playing continuously until soiling himself.

I have a tonne to learn still, but I'm in no rush. I'll just allow myself to geek out a few times a week, and when I get tired of it, I'll cancel. But for now, I'm trying to figure out how to get me more weapons to kill these gnolls that reside to the south of Bloodhoof Village.

Wish me luck.

$$ True Love $$

Heather Mills McCartney was awarded $48 Million today in what some media outlets are reporting as a "surprise" ruling. Her now ex-husband, who I will not name as to not offend your intelligence (Paul McCartney for you people schooled in Winnipeg), is worth quite a bit more. She was looking for around $250 Million, but the judges, possible devout Beatles fans, saw fit to lower that amount.

Inspired by this news, I have come to a life-altering decision. I plan to tell my wife that I'm going on a business trip. I'll then fly to England and begin my secret courtship of Heather. I'll throw some charm, and some wit in her general direction and stand back as she practically tosses the dough at me. I mean, that's how I met my wife of 15 years. I practically snapped my fingers and she came runnin'. (not to worry, she doesn't read this blog, I’m safe)

Actually, on second thought, not sure I'll have time. I'm coaching lacrosse this spring and summer, so I'm not sure I'll get the chance.

Damn.

Unbelievable News

I freaking WON!!

Just a free coffee, but this monumental occasion ends a three year drought. Have any of you losers out there won anything? Huh? Well?

Hah! I think not!

(see what my life has become?)

The War on the Floor

Last Thursday morning, and interesting part of the morning radio show banter caught my attention. I could have sworn I heard that the Calgary Roughnecks were giving away tickets to their Friday night tilt against the Portland LumberJax. Being unsure if I heard this right, after all, it was pretty damn early, I sought confirmation from the TicketMaster website. Sure enough, they were being sold for a buck each. No area seating restriction.

I hopped on it. I scooped up three tickets. Lower rows of the second tier. Damn good seats.
I'm surprised I've never attended a Roughnecks game sooner, after all, lacrosse was my favourite sport as a kid. I played major midget and junior lacrosse in Calgary and BC. I was totally into it. I even got my oldest boy into lacrosse, his first season will commence in 3 weeks when try-outs begin. But that's all water under the bridge, because I had my Roughnecks tickets in hand. It was going to be me, my boy, and his buddy.

We sat down in our seats just as the intros were being made. What initially struck me was just how professional it was. There was a big oil derrick the players ran through upon being introduced. When the last player came onto the floor, the derrick was set alight with fireworks and spotlights, big explosions, the whole bit. Wow! The "Enmax Energy Board" was also was in heavy use, showing us Roughnecks highlights and more player intros. The combination of the fireworks and the JumboTron got the crowd severely riled up.

When the game started, the music did not stop. Thumping energy music is played while the game is in progress, totally unlike hockey. I thought this was a little odd at first, but soon bought in. It's a great idea, sure beats that lull of silence when the other team scores, eh?

The announcer was also very un-NHL like. I caught on to a few "traditions" with these Roughnecks home games. When the opposing team gets dinged with a penalty, the announcer says something like, "Number 44, Peter Morgan, go to the penalty box, sit down and ___" then the crowd in unison thunders "SHUT UP!!" Another funny bit was when there was a fight. "Penalty to Roughnecks number 17 Ryan McNish, a five minute major for opening a big can of whoop-ass. Portland penalty to number 71, Trevor Smith, five minutes for taking it!" Naturally, this stokes the crowd. At this point, the boys were really into it, leaping to their feet for each goal or amazing play. The teenage girls in front got a giggle out of the boys' collective energy.

All in all, what I saw totally exceeded my expectations. I was expecting WHL, but it was more like NFL. The play was intense, the battles for the ball were vicious, there were plenty of spectacular plays. The players played the game like their very lives depended on it. You can just tell that everyone from the owner, all the way down to the equipment guy, puts 1000% into the product.

The attendance for the game was 18,700. Many of these attendees were benefactors of the Roughnecks free ticket offer, but what a brilliant idea. I'm just one person, but I can tell you that I definitely WILL be back for multiple games by season's end. I'm pretty sure the price ranges from the low twenties to the low fifties for tickets, but they are freaking worth it.

Anybody else wanna go?

Crushed

Well, that's it. Atom hockey for 2007-08 came to an abrupt end last night. Our boys, the Snipers, were up 4-0 (my boy managed to score one) only to have the other team come back to tie the game up at 4-4. Then, with only 2 minutes left to go in the game, they took the lead. It was madness, the parents all had this collective look of shock on their faces, mine too.

Then, we did something we have never done. We pulled our goalie. With the face-off deep in their zone, and with 40 seconds left, the Snipers stormed the net. If you have ever seen Atom hockey, "storm" is unquestionably the right word. The first shot hit their goalie in the pad and came right out to greet one of our guys who flipped the puck over the goalie and into the net. The Snipers went nuts. Pandemonium in on the players' bench. Pandemonium in the stands, the place was loud. But, this just meant it was tied, and overtime loomed.

Overtime started with 2 minutes of 4 on 4. We buzzed the net, had a couple chances, but nothing managed to squeak in. The second overtime is another 2 minutes, but its 3 on 3. This time the play went both ways with our goalie coming up big, the game was still deadlocked. The final overtime is 6 minutes of 2 on 2. Our guys had two partial breakaways and a quality screenshot. None managed to find the back of the net. But one of our chances left our 2 players in close to the net, one of their guys scooped up the puck and sped away on an uncontested breakaway. Our goalie was thinking "poke check", but that idea went horribly awry when he lost his balance and fell over. The other team scored.

That's it. Season over.

Needless to say, the kids were crushed. There were some tears in the dressing room, but the kids were generally composed, just sombre. You hate to see them go through this, but then again, its something you know they have to learn. It's not just hockey that will kick them in the teeth, its school, girls, or anything else that commands their efforts. You'll win some, but you'll lose more. It’s a sad statistical fact. Poor kid.

For now, I'll let him be bummed. I'll buy him a slurpee tonight.

Journalism Telling It Like It Is

Upon noticing CNN's breaking news of Prince Harry serving on the front lines in Iraq, the first thing that crossed my mind was a famous early 90's Saturday Night Live skit which showed a White House press conference where this 5-star general fielded questions. The backdrop was the first conflict with Iraq, the Kuwait invasion one. Remember that one?

Anyway, the skit went something like this (relying on memory here….)

Reporter 1: Can you tell us where the American Forces are right now?
General: No I can't, in the interest of the safety of our soldiers.

Reporter 2: What is the exact plan of attack that you intend to employ?
General: Again, that is classified information which I cannot share.

Reporter 3: Where are we most vulnerable to attack, at this moment?
General: [visible irritation] I would remind you all that I cannot give classified information that would compromise our military efforts. Now are there any questions that do not pertain to specific military planning details?

Reporter 4: Is there anything you can tell us that would lower the morale of our troops stationed in Kuwait?
[Army aide has to restrain the General from physically confronting reporter.]

SNL's lampooning of the Press aside, you have to commend them this time, as Harry has apparently been in Iraq since before Christmas (or "The Holiday Season", trying to be PC folks). But that didn't stop the torrential outpouring of brilliant, inspired commentary from this panel of political pundits on CNN.

Consider some of these quips I made mental note of:

"Al Qaida would pay particular attention to targeting Prince Harry"

"Iraq is a dangerous place right now, Harry is at a great risk of injury or even death!"

"The Queen must be quite concerned over the Prince's well-being"

Thank God (sorry again, that should read thank "goodness") that we have these panels to set us straight. Here I had no idea that Iraq was dangerous, nor did I realize that Al Qaida was interested in targeting a high profile person, nor did I realize that the Queen, as a mother, would have concern for her child.

Got to go now, they've interrupted this story on TV for breaking news on Britney……

A Fine Canadian Institution

I'm not a sociologist, but I believe Canada is one of those few societies that has two significant traditions occurring at once. Usually, a culture will space them out, somehow we neglected to do that.

Tuesday February 26 sees two events sweeping the country: The NHL Trade Deadline, and Roll Up The Rim time. The NHL Trade Deadline looks to be fairly vanilla this year, but I'm liking the look of Roll Up The Rim. Check out some of the prizes:

- 35 2009 Toyota Matrix's (or should that read Matrices?)
- 100 Boats by Bayliner
- 5000 Garmin GPS devices
- 20,000 $50 Tim Horton's gift cards
- 31 Million instant food prizes

I noticed that this year, there is no Plasma TV prize. The theme seems to be "transportation".

Also noteworthy is that Roll Up The Rim is going on in Kandahar, at the NATO military station. Participants can Roll Up The Rim with a specially designed camouflage cup. They don't get a shot at winning the Toyota Matrix or Bayliner Boat prizes, but they do get cash prizes, caps, GPS devices, and food prizes. So, its a nice gesture to the Canadian guys over there fighting for Canada.

And who am I to thumb my nose at this fine Canadian institution. So, with that said, I'm off to Tims for my Extra Large with one cream.

Football Factories.... Holy &%$# !!

I Just Don't Get It

I'm alway game to try out a new show, especially the sports-themed ones. A few weeks ago, I come across this one show on The National Geographic Channel called "The Real Football Factories". All it took was one episode, and I was determined to watch the lot.

In a nutshell, the show is a documentary where the host infiltrates various organized soccer hooligan clubs, and I do mean organized. He would talk to the presidents of these "firms" in countries like Italy, Holland, Argentina, Brazil, Scotland, and a few others. Without fail, the various members of these firms would express their undying love for their club, often showing a tatoo, and then launch in a verbal, inciteful tirade on why they hate their chief rival club and their firm.

The show offers footage of firm clashes, where the two mobs convene and "fight". I'm not sure "fight" is the right word, its more than just a fight. People have died, weapons are used, and in one case, on firm had a guy who would select a victim, take him to a secluded area, and rape him. Needless to say, its both eye-openning and sickening.

After each show, I usually shake my head, then grab the remote to look for a comedy of some sort, something uplifting. Later on, I would mentally revisit the show, and proclaim "I just don't get it". I've been a rabid sports fan my whole life. But not once have I ever wanted to strike an opposing fan, nor have I witnessed such a thing.

I can only conclude that there must be some sort of sociological/anthropological scheme at play here. I'm resigned to the fact that I never will understand these firms.

But I do recommend watching. National Geographic Channel, people. Except the Scotland episode, you need subtitles to understand these guys with that speech impediment they try to pass off as an accent.

Richard Zednik's Life Threatening Incident

Nathan Horton (left) looks on in horror as

Zednik receives emergency treatment.

Not since the Todd Bertuzzi / Steve Moore incident have I witnessed an incident on the ice where I felt sickened. A moment where the game is the absolute last thing on your mind, you focus turns to the player.

Although I did not see the game live, I did see the Sportscentre replay and I still can not honestly recall the score of the game. Zednik had this look of confusion, he clearly knew his life was in danger. Even as I write this, I still can see that look on his face. It leaves you numb.

One thing I can tell you is that I will make sure my son sees this and understands why he wears mandatory neck protection. I'll tell him to look at Tanguay, who wears a neck-guard, so regularly that you forget he's wearing it.

I'm pretty confident in saying that Richard Zednik wouldn't mind if the hockey dad's out there referred to his ordeal to teach the kids about the importance of proper protection. Suddenly those neck guards don't seem so expensive.