Every workday at noon, I toddle on over to the gym to get away from my desk and work off some stress. As you may know, the formula is m + 2k + M = S, where m = married, k = kids, M = mortgage, and S = stress.
Anyway, on the way to the gym, I usually walk past various types of folks: the "domestically challenged", people wearing neck-ties, students, protesters, generally a mixed bag. But there's one type of person that bewilders me: the Power Walker. You know the type, right? They're garbed in exercise clothing, usually with sweat-band, runners, a runner's watch of some kind. They're walking briskly doing a stupid "choo-choo train" motion.
Since when did "walking" become an exercise? It seems to me that walking is a very basic human activity, it ranks up there with breathing, eating, "eliminating", and speaking. The fact that you put the word POWER in front of it, does not make it exercise. What's next? Power Breathing?
Now, I do need to make a small disclosure. I do not have a medical degree, nor have I gone to school the mandatory 6 weeks to become a physiotherapist. However, it just seems wrong that these poor people have deluded themselves into thinking that walking with their arms flailing around like an epileptic drowning victim, for 10 minutes over your noon hour will help them attain some resemblance of fitness.
I may be way off base here, but it seems to me that physical fitness should involve intense exercise: heartbeat way up there, rapid huffing and puffing, sweating up a storm. Basically, what bothers me is that various health sites, shows, and articles in the paper all trumpet this "power walking" as a solid, proven exercise.
As you know, I'm considering running for the Mayor's chair in the future. Once elected, I plan on passing a bylaw banning the practice of power walking. Any walking, where the arms have exaggerated movement, and where the walker is engaging in a pulse-checking motion, said person is to do 10 push-ups in the presence of a peace officer.
Do I have anyone's vote?
3 comments:
I'll vote for you if you redraw the borders of the City no further outward than 64 Ave N, 64 AVe S, 64 St E and 64 St W. Think of all the money we'll save! And the tax base in this inner region is substantial, already footing most of the bills, they would be unburdened by the slacking, polluting, commuting suburbanites. We'll call the outskirts "The Nether Regions" and let them form their own municipalities called "Midnapore" "South Airdrie" "The power line and comm tower village" and "The swampy farmland area to the East"
We could have unsorted recycling pickup (Palm Springs has this already—just toss jars in with newspapers. Go ahead!) Generously funded Sports and Rec programs for schools and communities, rapid transit in 8 directions instead of 3. It would be fantastic!
Future Mayor Hutchinson, if you do this, you will have my vote for sure! Throw that bum Bronconnier out. Mr. Freakin Overpass.
what a nutjob...
Nutjobs still do have the right to vote, so I must pander to them.
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